About Me

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NSW, Australia
I'm made it past 50! married for over half my life, have 3 kids all grown and I'm loving this part of my life.I was a nurse in my younger days but an unhealthy dose of rheumatoid arthritis put a damper on my career,so I'm at home with the internet.

Friday, December 31, 2010

Out with the old


I don't usually make new years resolutions as I have a habit of ignoring them by about quarter past midnight. But this year I'll try harder,I'm on the downhill run to 50 and I'd like to be healthier,so my new years resolutions are thus:

Lose weight, which means eating less and moving about more. I'll try for half an hour of solid proper exercise every day,I have no exercise equipment so I'll have to get my lard arse out on the street and ......walk...............sigh.

Eat less crap, no more lollies ,chips and choclolate..or.... dammit .....icecream......well, a treat now and then would be fine....wouldn't it?

My mother died at 61 and her mother before her at 60,I'm hoping for a few more years than that,so I need to get on top of the blood pressure and keep the rheumatoid arthritis from doing any more damage. Humira has stopped the deformities and given me back my mobility,so I have to treasure that and make use of it. I've been in the "sick role" far too long. It's actually hard to get out of than I thought ,not only have I put limitations on myself but other people have too.

2011 will be my year for doing something new.I don't know what just yet, it'll come to me I hope! I'm at that age where my kids don't need me so much and are leaving or left the nest and there aren't any grandkids to fuss over.

When I grew up in the late 60's and 70's girls 'careers" were really only until they married and had kids,and then you worked for extra income,not so much a career,that came in the mid 80's.I only worked part time when the kids were little and then stopped when the arthritis became too painful to continue and I never went back. Motherly,domestic stuff was enough,too much sometimes and even though it was my main focus ,I still forgot stuff through the haze painkillers,like telling my youngest about sex...........(he figured it out)
So this year I need to find something for me.
Suggestions will be pondered upon ...........

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

could be worse

My fridge blew up! Not with a bang, but a stinky smoking slow burn.
I smelled something plasticcy and hot,I thought the laptop was going to overheat and turned it off,but I could still smell it.
I sniffed my way around the house and pinpointed the laundry,not the dryer,the washing machine or the powerpoints. It seemed stronger around the fridge but I couldn't see anything.Called hubby and he got up and had a look at the top,took the box that was sitting on top off,and smoke billowed. It stank. I can still smell it a few hours later.
On the top of the fridge is an electronic box that overheated, by the look of the bubbling mess it was just about to burst into flame. So it could have been bad,very bad, we have a lot of "stuff" stored next to the fridge and our house is 100yr old wood.Doesn't bear thinking about what would have happened had it been at night while we were sleeping.
It's a huge behemoth of a fridge and we had to get it outside,with every heave and hoe, new wafts of smoke emerged.We finally got it outside where it stands sentinal in the middle of the yard.
it's 35 deg c today, what to do with all the food? I've got two esky's and we'll just have to keep buying ice until we can replace the fridge. Insurance informed me I have a $500 excess...What? it should be $300 (they won't leave me at 0 or 100 as I make claims). They are looking into it. Meanwhile I have to source a fridge and make a list of all the food we lost or will lose due to the heat. it's going to be 37 tomorrow and 40 on sat. The earliest we can get a fridge here is Wednesday...the joys of living in the country.

But it could have been worse we could be sitting in a smouldering pile.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

all over bar the shouting

I ...can't ....move....

eaten...tooo ....much....trifle.....

Feels like we have been constantly eating or drinking since Christmas Eve!

Had a lovely day with the might be stretching it.

We didn't get up till 10.30 when Gemma arrived, and then Danny wouldn't get up, he'd stayed up all night playing xbox or watching movies- whatever teens do all night. Eventually Gemma irritated him out of slumber and by the time everyone was organised ,showered and cuppatea'd it was midday. We put the food on and opened our pressies .Chloe and Jess arrived after their long ride down and so more swapping of pressies.It's our favourite part of christmas and everyone puts in a lot of thought into the pressies,even more so this year as there hasn't been as much money for everyone ,so everyone really thought hard about what to get each other with limited funds.We bought one big thing each from Bali when we were there,things we could not afford here, and in 2 out of 3,probably could not source here.Danny we gave motocross boots as he has his own bike.Gemma we had made a queen size bedquilt with a handpainting of Marylin Monroe.We had a large portrait of Chloe and Jess painted from a photo, amazing quality and they loved it. When I can get a photo of it,I'll post it here with details of the artist.

We ate, and we ate and we ate.
And drank, well I did, everyone else had to drive later in the day.

It was 31 degrees c ,which was a shock as we've had such mild weather,I put the air con on, but too late most of us were already asleep or sleepy,so wherever you could lay your head was napland.

Around 7 ,they all nicked off. Chloe and Jess had to ride back to the capital ,we weren't sure when it was going to rain. The people on the Hume heeded my request about cigarette butts, but on the Barton Hwy, she got hit by one, she had her visor up.Thank god she didn't flinch or jolt and send the bike into a ditch, she just calmly pulled over and let Jess have a look at it. It gave her a shock, no marks.How frightening, I can't even imagine hurtling through "space' at 100km hour and BANG, hit in the face with something hot. Bad enough bugs but burning embers..ouch!
Gemma pinched my beer and went home to spend some time with her housemates and Danny headed off to the next country town over to visit friends.

now to save for next christmas

Happy New Year :)

Friday, December 24, 2010

Silly Season is here

Merry Christmas everyone, as we celebrate the buddha (Rohatsu)ooops the birth of Jesus with the rehashed pagan Babylon "the feast of the Son of Isis". It was celebrated on December 25. Raucous partying, gluttonous eating and drinking, and gift-giving were traditions of this feast,so I'm glad we stole that part too.

We Put Christmas lights up again this year,it's only 8 sets of lights and a lightup santa but it looks a lot because our frontage is so tiny. We have one of those federation railway cottages with the bullnose verandah and 4ft square of grass iether side of the path.Our street goes for 5 blocks and there are several houses with lights,so it earned a street sign that proclaims Santa Street. I live on Santa St !!!

Have been cooking and wrapping pressies all afternoon and evening, now it's all done bar the shouting.

I've made potato salad, a potato,bacon,egg and onion slice, potato bake,2 trifles, the hams been cut and the lollies are out.Hubby has organised his prawns, made his usual fried rice,has the turkey breast ready for the oven in the morning and is doing a potato bake, he does his more dry and crispy with chunks of bacon and onion,so i make a small garlic creamy one as well. If Danny eats all the slice tonight I'll have to make another one in the morning,but other than that I really only have cream to whip. I have a pavlova shell to do too, but I don't think we can fit another thing in the fridge.

seems like we have a lot of spud dishes in there !!

Then theres the KFC,when the kids were little,they were fussy eaters,and takeaway was a treat,we rarely had it,so they chose KFC for xmas,and it stuck.It's a tradition now apparently.So it's chicken, nuggets, potato gravy and coleslaw.

I'm happy as a pig in mud,all 3 kids will be here for lunch,Danny lives at home,Gemma around the corner and Chloe and Jess will be riding down after a big Christmas breakfast with her parents.I meant to take their bigger present down to Canberra with me last week for them to put under their tree, but forgot, so they will open it and have to leave it here ,till I drop it over in a few weeks time .

They have decorated the bike with tinsel and a Merry xmas sign, don't know if it will last the 120km trip at 110km p/hr, fingers crossed , it looks fun.

Don't throw your cigarette out the window if you're travelling the Hume tomorrow, they hit hard when you're on a bike...and they burn!!!

Anyhoo Have a lovely christmas, Hanukka,feast of the Son of Isis,Lenaea,Dies Natalis Invicti Solis,Alban Arthuan, Inti Raymi ,Shab-e Yaldaa,Soyal,or Appolo, Attis, Baal, Dionysus, Helios, Hercules, Horus, Mithra, Osiris, Perseus, and Theseus Day.

Thanks for reading and following :)

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

This poem resonated with me ,as it has with a lot of people, it has 61 comments so far.

It can be found on this blog :Where the Butterflies Go

I hope someone approaches Heather and puts it to music :)


You’re texting him and he’s texting her;
You know how it goes, mostly a blur;
Calling me geeky, or maybe just strange.
They’re just words,
But they’ll last for days.

You post a photo, a few words, not more;
They’ll laugh so hard when I walk through that door.
Calling me gay; one of the queers.
They’re just words,
But they’ll last for years.

Text it, blog it, put it on Twitter.
They’re just lies. They’re just litter.
You’re a bully on a bus
with a prepaid phone, and words.
Just words.

Is that all you’ve got?

Someday I’ll be stronger, with all this behind me,
Someday I’ll shine brighter, my true love beside me,
And you’ll be paying the same old fare;
Just a bully on a bus marked
Going Nowhere.

In about 20 years, I know the story,
You’ll come up to me with a phony “sorry.”
Wishing you’d made something out of yourself.
They’re just words,
But, somehow, they’ll help.

I’ll smile sweetly, try not to stare
at your sad old eyes and thinning hair.
Seeing the jealousy in your gaze;
You’ll have no words,
No words for days.

Text it, blog it, put it on Twitter.
They’re just lies. They’re just litter.
You’re a bully on a bus
with a prepaid phone, and words.
Just words.

Is that all you’ve got?

Someday I’ll be stronger, with all this behind me,
Someday I’ll shine brighter, my true love beside me,
And you’ll be paying the same old fare;
Just a bully on a bus marked
Going Nowhere

You’re going nowhere.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

On my high horse again

Every so often I dip into transgender blogs and new stories. I can ask Chloe anything and she'll tell me of course ,but I don't like this to be our only topic of conversation. She is so much more than a just a transgender girl, with all the accumulated experiences of her 23 years.

Some sites and stories are full of support and others ,OMG such hatred and ignorance.
Some people will make an off the cuff comment they think is meant to be funny and others make a hateful statement and then sit back and wait for replies....this then becomes their invitation to spout religious or just plain hateful phobic nonsense.

When Chloe first told me of her feelings, there was fear and anxiety. I wasn't really sure where this was coming from , but the thought of telling people was fearful. My friends and family are very understanding people and NONE of them have let me down in this respect. So, where did it come from:? Outside people? People I don't know? Yep, there it is. Not fear for me and what they thought about me or my family really, but a fear for Chloe's safety, her job,she was moving sharehouses,so accommodation aswell. I feared the reaction to her , her person, in everyday life.All I could think of at the time was that their lives are often filled with risks and consequences that most people aren't aware of and because of stereotyping, a lot of people tend to associate transsexuals with prostitution, bar dancing and drag queen shows.

Because of who she has always been I knew that she didn't wake up one day say, "Hey, I think I'll make myself about as miserable as I can imagine , short of setting myself on fire". It hasn't been easy for her, for sure, but she has done this with the usual determination with various things that she's had her whole life. She taught herself a complex 3d animation programme at age 15 and moved 1200km away from family to study 3d at college. She spent her teen years a sensible person with no police on our doorstep . I must have told her to sit still and shut up one too many times cos she did !

So it bugs me when I read comments on blogs and especially news items, that people assume that being transgender is a choice and/or a mental problem.

I hate repeating these, but hopefully someone who thinks this way might stumble across my blog and learn something.
some of the things I've read in the past few days :

There is no such thing as 'trans-gender'!
Gender is determined at birth by your X-Y chromosomes and no amount of surgery (body mutilation) changes that FACT.
"Transgender" is a MENTAL problem, not a physical one. These freaks should be kept away from children.
If someone thinks they are a dog and as a tail attached they still aren't a dog.

All of these statements are offensive to me. One of the angers me to tears.

Life is not all black and white
I can't even imagine choosing a life of struggle but I also can't imagine going against who I am just to make others feel comfortabl­e . I don't have to think about this, but every person born in the wrong gender does.
Discovering yourself ,learning to be that person and love yourself must be hard work in an environmen­t of ignorance. We only have one life that we know of.Better to live true to yourself one second than eighty years or so as someone else's view of who you should be. Especially people who don't even know you personally.
Has anybody with a congenital heart defect made the "choice" to have a bad heart? We don't choose our gender, it is assumed at birth by external genitalia.
Medical science has shown that chromosomes do not necessarily determine physical sex, that a person can be biologically one sex and neurologically another and that gender incongruence is a medical, not purely psychological, condition.Mainstream scientific organizations worldwide, thousands of doctors and researchers agree that gender identity conditions are medical issues, not psychological.It's my understanding, the doctors try hard to screen out the individuals that need to work on their heads before they worry about their bodies.This would certainly apply to the dog tail statement!
The one that makes me furious enough to cry though is the "shouldn't be around children" I just find this a disgusting ignorant and reprehensible statement. I can't wait for Chloe and Jess to have children, they are going to make the best parents.They have a better understanding of what makes kids tick than I ever had. I have made some friends in the transgender community ,they are loving parents,aunts, uncles and grandparents. They are just people , just like you and I.

Educate ,Educate,Educate, I think this is the only way to get the message out there.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Barbilou's wonderings answered

A great blog I follow posted some wonderful wonderings yesterday.
Today they had me wondering too and I decided I had wondered too long and had to know too.

Here are Barbilou's questions that had me pondering and asking Mr Google .

Why do only CATS purr? Why don't dogs purr?
Chickens and eggs. How long does it take for an egg to form? If a chicken lays one every day, and you were to cut her open, would she be full of eggs in various stages of development?
How do spiders not get caught in their own webs?
How nutritious is hay anyway? How can animals as big as cows get that big just eating hay?

Apparantly two species of genets purr as well.Genetta tigrina, and most likely also Genetta genetta, had been documented to purr, but other than that only cats .I didn't knw what a gennet was so there is a pic here, so now you know too.apparently they live in Africa.

Dogs don't purr because they dont have the same vocal folds and harmonics on breathing in and out that cats do.

cChicken and eggs ...easy... 21 days till egg ready to hatch :)

On average they only lay one egg a day,so there wont be a belly full of eggs, if it's killed before the first egg is laid maybe there would be the one just starting to form,getting ready for the next day and one on its way out.You'd have to have the timing and the axe just right.

Spiders are clever, they make 2 kinds of webs,one sticky one for catching flies and one non sticky for walking about on. Why don't they get mixed up ? I don't know. Perhaps they do occasionally, but if they do get one leg stuck theres another 7 they can drag themselves off with.

Hay is high in protein and energy so apparently it is especially great for long in the tooth horses and pregnant ones.
People can and do apparently eat oat hay! I wonder if they are as big as horses?
but mostly we eat whole oats...for breakfast. Porridge anyone?

A reputable Hay nutrition site assured me people eat Hay but I cannot find any recipes via Mr Google so I hope this will help.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Chloe blogs

Chloe has her own blog now...I annoyed her enough and she caved? Jess annoyed her and she caved? She hates writing with a pen,so hopefully a keyboard will work :)

I've had a look it's interesting and she writes long sentences like me.....

Trans guide to the galaxy

my reindeer has wheels

not mine but

reindeer cars are everywhere in Australia at the moment.......$25 and your car can look like this!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Mooching and don't be addiment

I have been email arguing with a moocher.....ahhh they live in a world of their own don't they?

Moocher definition:a person who sponges off others

This particular moocher..Opal(name changed to protect the guilty) is 17 and lives in a fantasy world. My daughter took her in when she was kicked out of home. Opal only had to pay $30 a week rent, help out and put in for food. she missed a week,promised to pay and a couple of weeks later went on holidays for 2 weeks with the attitude ,I'm not there I don't need to pay.

here is our entertaining correspondance (names changed)

ME :I decided to respond on Pearls behalf as there had been accusations of theft and and threats to her.
Hi Opal,
You know me,I'm not a hothead,so I'm not going to rant or swear or anything like that.
I hope you'll listen.
Pearl was good enough to have you there for $30 a week,thats less than most people pay board at home.You know that. i know you put in for food occasionally,but you also had Black there as well a lot of the time.
You do owe pearl $90, thats 3 weeks rent....Just because you went on holidays, doesn't mean you don't owe rent...try doing that anywhere else, it doesn't work like that.
I'd appreciate it if you'd drop in both the $90 and the shirt to my place,you've been here,you know where I live,though if its easier,just let me know and I can come over and pick it up for you.
I'd like you to drop it in by Friday, if you don't have the whole amount let me know,we can work something out.
If you don't reply back and/or destroy the shirt(,that I have heard you have threatened to do), then I will be forced to help Gemma apply at the small claims court to have the money and shirt returned, then it will cost you more in court costs.,but theres no need for that, if you contact me and make arrangements for payment.
the girls are very hurt you have accused them of trying to steal your money, I remember this,YOU left your wallet in the car,and they asked you about the money you owed for rent and you said no,nothing more said or done,so thats not a nice accusation to make.
i'm sorry its all come to this,you all seemed to be good friends.friends and money owed don't mix well it seems.
anyhoo please reply as soon as possible.

Well he was paying rent as well he gave it bob and i was only gone 1 wk so its 30 and jenny didnt pay 4 ova 6 wks and wen black couldnt pay he helped out around the house and if u new the hole story u wldnt b taking ur daughters side seriously the sun doesnt shine out her arse i couldnt find my wallet when i left for the week on a tuesday and i get payed on a wednesday and no1 would help me look for it they rung up saying they were going to get rent out and i said they cant then i didnt get it back when i came back and they were going to give it to me wednesday after they took 30 out for rent what they said not me so why take your daughters side take this shit to the small court or whatever and you will get laughed out of there and out of town

ok, about Black paying rent.his rent was also supposed to be $30 and out of approx 12weeks that you two lived there, he paid $15-20 at at a time for 4 times,so technically he owes rent as well. Your rent is from the 2 weeks you were away..yes 2...and also a week you had missed 2 weeks before this and promised to catch up on.
Also,the cleaning in place of the rent...there was not much cleaning up done, black seemed to make himself absent when the cleaning was to be done, yes he helped out a couple of times.
jennys arrangement with pearl has nothing to do with you paying your rent or not,she is slowly paying back the money, but thats not really your business, you can't not pay what you owe because someone else owes money as well.
I don't class this as "taking sides" Opal,just getting back what Pearl is owed,I've known you have owed her this money since you left for you holiday without paying it. I know fullwell Pearl is not perfect,none of us are, but she has a good heart which some people seem to think means they can take advantage of.
Your wallet wasn't found until after you left, they let you know they found it in the car and had put it in the glove box. I understand they asked could they take the rent out because you had been paid in the meantime,you said no.I'm sure they weren't happy, but you said no.They told you the wallet was in the glove box of the car so they wouldn't lose it and you got your wallet when you returned.
I've been to small claims court before,they won't's for small claims.
so I would appreciate the money by friday,thanks Opal.

This is black i was there just over a fucking month it was one week we wernt using Pearl for fuck sakes we have no problem paying but not when cunts lie about it your not getting the full story and as for me dissapering thats bullshit i left cause jenny was in a cunt of a mood we did fucking clean even when we were leaving this is the pettest shit i have ever heard of so you should get your facts one hundred percent before accusing this shit obviously you aint getting told the full truth i payed Bob my rent i helped out were i could and pearl was bitching bout jenny not paying her fucking rent for 6 weeks not opal for one no me for however many so im pretty sure you can jam your thirty dollars rember you dont like this town you were on the news for it so if you hate the town get out of it im over petty cunts shit goodbye

nice one Black, ive been here 5 years now,that tv thing was in the first 6 months we lived here and was meant to be a funny story about us moving all the time,ont hat it has anything to do with anything.
sorryBlack,pearl did say to me tonight that your arrangment was with bob,not her,i was just mentioning it for an example.
pearl was complaining about jenny,at the time cos she was in a bad mood as she sometimes gets in,like everyone does, but jennys owings still have nothing to do with Opals. and opal still owes $90 not 30.
all pearl wants is her rent money and shirt after that shes happy to have nothing to do with her or you.
thanks for the lovely language, I've been nothing but nice and polite to you guys on the few times we've met and in these letters.
I personally would like this dealt with and over and done with soon. It is petty, its $30 a week ffs.Its ridiculous for 3 weeks rent at less than most people pay at home

Yeah but we wernt there one week thats thirty one week not two one she can have the shirt but yous aint getting any money

ohh i see, so you "stopped renting"without telling anyone you were leaving and not going to pay rent anymore??? that seems fair...NOT. you have a short memory theres also the 30 you owe for the week you missed 2 weeks before you went away............which is why pearl wanted the money while you were away....i told her this would happen, everyone has said you will never get Opal to pay up...why is that Opal?.

Of course pearls not going to see any of the money you owe her,thats what she gets for taking you in, giving you a bed, free electricity,food, lifts to work and back for $30 a week and you have the HIDE to call her a thief!!!!who exactly is the thief here Opal?

drop the shirt off its the least you can do or you want me to pick it up?

Well i paid for food i paid 50 for fuel and Pearl usd it i didnt even go to work and the wk b4 we left she said no 1 had to pay cuz she was infront then changed her mind so her loss and if u dnt leave me alone i will go to the police 4 harrassment

bullshit you never put $50 petrol in her car!!!
peal said no one had to pay rent cos it was ahead...bullshit, you lot overheard her talking to me about the rent being in front and so you thought to yourselves," hey its paid we don't have to" ,why should it come out of pearls pocket.
you have all the answers opal. ...whatever, just pay the $30 you have ADMITTED to owing and the shirt and be done with it. About time you grew up and lived in the real world.
LMAO asking politely ,admittedly repeatedly, is not harrasment,Opal.

well there you go my mornings work.....still no shirt no money.......A MOOCHING STORY...LOL

well well, i lose, its my fault she's not paying ...but I get to have a good time :)

You can have the shirt you aint getting any money and i over heard nothing just think i wasnt on the lease and only two people were aloud to live there take this as far as you want you or you could just fuck off cause i would of payed the thirty but you were addimint that it was ninety so you can drop it or you can fuck off

Sunday, December 5, 2010

I'm not sure how or if this will work and i'm not used to begging.I like to think of it more as fundraising for a good cause.
Chloe needs gender affirmation surgery, but cannot afford it. Normally she would just wait and save, but she has a medical problem that will be addressed once it is done, and I'd like it to happen for her sooner rather than later as she is getting depressed and overwhelmed.

I've made a new blog as a donation page, and this post is a reapeat of that new page.


Wednesday, December 1, 2010

When being a person isn't enough

I belong to a group of parents of transgendered kids.

One topic that came up recently is using the correct pronouns when transitioning.
We all know that this is the identifying gender...........but....sometimes this is not enough.
Several of the young adults are saying to their parents that they are basically talking the talk,but feel it's not real.
Not real meaning the parent is still see them in their birth gender and "you're saying she but you really see he" (or opposite).

Now I think thats nitpicking. These parents are supportive,loving and doing everything they can to help the transition. There are kids out there that have been shown the door and/or the sole of one or several family members boots and worse.Those parents cannot see their child at all ,let alone the child within the new gender.

Are kids today generally too self absorbed about how they look,how they are perceived etc? does this make it even harder to be in transition or is the self absorption a manifestation of gender dysmorphia?.Are they placing more emphasis on the gender recognition than there needs to be?

I know the struggle to hear the correct words Miss (or Mr) and she (he)when in transition and I do think this is harder in public in general for mtf than ftm.

One thing that was pointed out to me recently is that females are constantly looked at and assessed, whether by other men or other women, what they are wearing,carrying, hair colour etc, its just he way it is, and it can be a shock when transitioning from mtf, if you think everyone is looking at you,they are, not necessarily for the reason you think though.It would be equally a shock I think, from being always looked at to no-one taking any notice of you unless you are half naked or speaking(or both)

I digress.....back to seeing the inner child. As a parent myself, I will always see that inner child in my child. Little Ben lived the life, spoke the words and are now a part of who Chloe is. I don't believe she has denied her childhood even though she wishes that it was lived as a girl.She is a person/human first and her gender is second to me.