About Me

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NSW, Australia
I'm made it past 50! married for over half my life, have 3 kids all grown and I'm loving this part of my life.I was a nurse in my younger days but an unhealthy dose of rheumatoid arthritis put a damper on my career,so I'm at home with the internet.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

On my high horse again

Every so often I dip into transgender blogs and new stories. I can ask Chloe anything and she'll tell me of course ,but I don't like this to be our only topic of conversation. She is so much more than a just a transgender girl, with all the accumulated experiences of her 23 years.

Some sites and stories are full of support and others ,OMG such hatred and ignorance.
Some people will make an off the cuff comment they think is meant to be funny and others make a hateful statement and then sit back and wait for replies....this then becomes their invitation to spout religious or just plain hateful phobic nonsense.

When Chloe first told me of her feelings, there was fear and anxiety. I wasn't really sure where this was coming from , but the thought of telling people was fearful. My friends and family are very understanding people and NONE of them have let me down in this respect. So, where did it come from:? Outside people? People I don't know? Yep, there it is. Not fear for me and what they thought about me or my family really, but a fear for Chloe's safety, her job,she was moving sharehouses,so accommodation aswell. I feared the reaction to her , her person, in everyday life.All I could think of at the time was that their lives are often filled with risks and consequences that most people aren't aware of and because of stereotyping, a lot of people tend to associate transsexuals with prostitution, bar dancing and drag queen shows.

Because of who she has always been I knew that she didn't wake up one day say, "Hey, I think I'll make myself about as miserable as I can imagine , short of setting myself on fire". It hasn't been easy for her, for sure, but she has done this with the usual determination with various things that she's had her whole life. She taught herself a complex 3d animation programme at age 15 and moved 1200km away from family to study 3d at college. She spent her teen years a sensible person with no police on our doorstep . I must have told her to sit still and shut up one too many times cos she did !

So it bugs me when I read comments on blogs and especially news items, that people assume that being transgender is a choice and/or a mental problem.

I hate repeating these, but hopefully someone who thinks this way might stumble across my blog and learn something.
some of the things I've read in the past few days :

There is no such thing as 'trans-gender'!
Gender is determined at birth by your X-Y chromosomes and no amount of surgery (body mutilation) changes that FACT.
"Transgender" is a MENTAL problem, not a physical one. These freaks should be kept away from children.
If someone thinks they are a dog and as a tail attached they still aren't a dog.

All of these statements are offensive to me. One of the angers me to tears.

Life is not all black and white
I can't even imagine choosing a life of struggle but I also can't imagine going against who I am just to make others feel comfortabl­e . I don't have to think about this, but every person born in the wrong gender does.
Discovering yourself ,learning to be that person and love yourself must be hard work in an environmen­t of ignorance. We only have one life that we know of.Better to live true to yourself one second than eighty years or so as someone else's view of who you should be. Especially people who don't even know you personally.
Has anybody with a congenital heart defect made the "choice" to have a bad heart? We don't choose our gender, it is assumed at birth by external genitalia.
Medical science has shown that chromosomes do not necessarily determine physical sex, that a person can be biologically one sex and neurologically another and that gender incongruence is a medical, not purely psychological, condition.Mainstream scientific organizations worldwide, thousands of doctors and researchers agree that gender identity conditions are medical issues, not psychological.It's my understanding, the doctors try hard to screen out the individuals that need to work on their heads before they worry about their bodies.This would certainly apply to the dog tail statement!
The one that makes me furious enough to cry though is the "shouldn't be around children" I just find this a disgusting ignorant and reprehensible statement. I can't wait for Chloe and Jess to have children, they are going to make the best parents.They have a better understanding of what makes kids tick than I ever had. I have made some friends in the transgender community ,they are loving parents,aunts, uncles and grandparents. They are just people , just like you and I.

Educate ,Educate,Educate, I think this is the only way to get the message out there.


  1. Well said. And that comment about children makes me so angry. I am a wonderful parent, and always have been - both before (with my biological daughter), and after I realized I'm a transsexual (Nikki's kids, who I have been step-mom to for the last three years). My kids love me, and I think I do a pretty good job in raising them, thank you very much.

    Bernadette - *hugs* to you. Love you! :)

  2. aaaw,thanks . You look like you're all having so much fun in your photos.I'm much jealous now that mine are all grown. Just have to stay well and not get crotchety so I can enjoy the grandkids when they finally get here :)

  3. Ignorant people are the worst! I don't understand haters! Nice blog. Thanks for checking out mine. I will also be back!

  4. I have been following your blog because my neice is going through this process. She starts her hormone treatment in January since she has now lived as a man for a year.

    Your insight is a great help and I will let her mum know you are here cos I think it would be great for her to read your personal account.

  5. "I knew that she didn't wake up one day say, "Hey, I think I'll make myself about as miserable as I can imagine , short of setting myself on fire". "

    That was funny, yet, revealing.
    Life is not black and white.
    Tell Chloe I'm proud of her. And you, for writing about this.

    I'm not sure any amount of education can help the closed-minded ignorants, but, I say you never know until you try.



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