About Me

My photo
NSW, Australia
I'm made it past 50! married for over half my life, have 3 kids all grown and I'm loving this part of my life.I was a nurse in my younger days but an unhealthy dose of rheumatoid arthritis put a damper on my career,so I'm at home with the internet.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Which way is North?

These are answers to questions sent to an Australian tourism site........I doubt these were the published answers !!!!

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the

plants grow? ( UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

A:Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe

Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not

... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come


Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )

A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...

Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is

> Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross,straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )

A: You are a British politician, right?

Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.

Milk is illegal.

Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.

All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good


Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )

A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first


  1. Hee hee.

    I love 'drop bear'. Will be saving that one for some sort of opportunity to use it.

  2. See, now I just HAVE to visit... naked. :)

  3. this made me smile, people can be very stupid!! lol

  4. LOL Aren't the rest of us ignorant. I like the map and I'd heard about the spiders

  5. Best of all was the giant map...well, all of it was great. I want to live there now. :)

  6. That was hilarious. I grew up in Hawaii and the tourists asked some of the most idiotic questions.

    I am a little disappointed though. I have always wanted to visit Australia but there are just WAY too many naked events for my big American tushy to handle!

  7. Ami...haha you watch people look up worriedly :)...just in case u know ...

    Juliana...better not come in winter!

    lyndylou...true... THEY don't think they are though lol i'm smiling that i made you smile better watch Oprah. I got used to the spiders. There are little white butterflies everywhere now. much nicer, but hard to clean off the car. was Dani Minougue that convinced you ???

    Nari... bahahaha

  8. Oh Oh I saw the hippo races for the very first time this week - a definite must see when you are in Sydney :). This Q&A always gets me giggling.

  9. good weather for it ....glad it wasn't winter :)

    The perth to sydney walk cracked me up lol

  10. HAHAHAHA! Sharks with frickin' lasers :D

    I get the same sorts of questions about Canada from Americans.


I lurve comments, if popped in ,say Hi :)